One year ago...

One year ago, the Synthfam met in Toronto for Outland. It was an amazing trip for me. My first international trip for myself, not for work. And to go see so many amazing synthwave acts, in one night. I splurged; I got VIP tickets. I wanted to make the trip special.

tl;dr - Outland Toronto was a year ago today, and all the feels are coming in knowing we don't have another event coming up anytime soon.

I could flood you with pictures of the event, but they wouldn't do it justice, and there are plenty of other people who took much better ones. I wasn't there to take pictures. In fact, I didn't even take my camera. I went to see people and network.

One of the weirdest things for me though, was being recognized. It's something I haven't gotten used to yet. I do write a blog, and do a podcast, and I help organize and execute the NEON RetroFest, but I usually just hide behind the scenes and make sure everything goes well.

It would have been one thing if it was just artists who knew me. I probably worked with them in the green room, or interviewed them for the podcast at some point. But it was other fans. People who listened to my show. It's been a year and I still don't quite feel comfortable being out in front of people, even with my weekly twitch stream.

But more importantly, in this year since the event we've had a lot of changes in our lives. The one of them that's on my mind today as I write this is COVID-19, and it's effects. Mainly in that NEON 2020 has been postponed. It's something I work on in all of my spare time. It's devastating to me. Mostly in that there isn't an event for the Synthfam to come together to this summer. And with all other live shows effectively being nixed for the foreseeable future, it's pulling the depression up to the surface for me.

As many of you know, I fight anxiety and depression pretty hard. Usually Anxiety drives the bus. But when I think about this, depression come up to give directions. I've tried to counter this with the live streams, where people can chat and we can listen to music together. It's more like a party than a podcast, and I like it that way.

But I digress, Outland was a crazy experience. Without all the additional pieces of NEON, everyone was just there for the music. One night, and just utter insanity. I loved every minute of it. I loved just getting to be there and be a part of it. It is such a different experience from trying to put the event on.

The VIP tickets were 100 percent worth it, being up in the balcony with the artists was better than being backstage. I got to watch the show, with the other artists, who were there to support each other throughout the night. I took selfies with everyone who would take one with me. I wish I knew where those pictures were now, they're not on my phone or my computer.

I didn't know then that it might be the last time we're all together in one place for a while. It seems so weird to think about now. I see everyone posting on facebook and instagram about their memories from one year ago. It's heartbreaking. I wish we could all be together again.

Sorry, I've been all over the place here. It's just one of those days.